Down To Business...one from the heart

I wasn't sure how to start this post. The last few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions but I needed to write all this down for my own sanity if nothing else.

Quote by Mandy Hale

Since Christmas, I've not been at all happy with the business. The stress of running a small business has really been taking it's toll on me physically and emotionally. My health has suffered as a result and I've been struggling with the fact that most of my waking hours are taken up by work.

I've wrestled with the guilt of not spending enough time with the kids and I've felt angry at putting so many hours in with so little to show for it. This year financially has been a shocker and I'm not ashamed to say it. With the pressure of keeping sales up to a certain level in these recession-hit days, has been no mean feat. Take the mortgage, endless bills and household outgoings, add rent for premises, staff, VAT, massive commission charges on a certain marketplace website, tax, insurance (for everything!), huge amounts for supplies, even bills to listen to your own goddamn radio while you work...you get the picture.
This is our job, we don't have any other income.True, it was our choice to start the business (out of necessity at the time) but we've worked our arses off over the years.

Nobody can say we haven't tried.

Painting til 4am with tonsillitis takes dedication. Crawling out of bed with the norovirus to deliver the post takes dedication...something me and Steve have no doubt about it!
But there comes a point when all that dedication and hard work should pay off.

Don't get me wrong, we've achieved so much and I'm proud of us. Proud that we've won awards and our products have been featured in virtually EVERY national home magazine, wedding magazine, newspapers, blogs and even on the TV...we did all that. When we started the business sitting on craft markets at 5am earning peanuts, we never imagined we'd get this far!

 

 

We've bought a house and had two beautiful kids and we try our best to have a nice family life but I've had enough.

The amount of hours we work far outweighs what we earn. To be honest, I desperately need a change.

We've tried every outlet to sell our work but making everything from scratch to order, hand painting and hand finishing each item takes time. These days it seems far important to 'some' that orders are delivered within a couple of days, nobody wants to wait, everything has to be instant, there is no alternative.

Well, actually there is. It's our business and we're making some changes. We can't compete with mass produced imports taken straight out of a box. We have no problem with imports but we can't sell on the same terms. What we can do is try to appeal to those who appreciate the time it sometimes takes for a handmade product.

We're taking control back and going our own way. This means cutting back in different areas but so be it...this is where we have no choice.

Last week, we said goodbye to our office manager Charlotte. It was a heart-breaking decision for us but sadly necessary while we decide on our next step. We will miss her more than I can say.

Quotespictures

We're not giving up, just giving in to the intolerable pressures and changing things for the good of our family.
We have a little something up our sleeve for the Summer and we're taking on new ventures. For now, we're going to see what happens.

We know for a fact that it's tough out there for small businesses. The ones that speak to us privately prove that. Publicly, most business owners will put on that brave face and say that everything is fine. Nobody wants to be seen as a failure. Some days I've felt exactly that but then it dawned on me, that actually it's ok.

It's not failing, it's changing and change is good.

Superwoman Syndrome

Ok. I give in.I can't do it all.

If you're anything like me each day is a battle against time to fit in as many tasks as a humanly possible. Then bedtime comes around and the guilt sets in...I didn't spend enough time on 4 year old's homework (he's in reception class...why is he getting homework?) , I didn't spend enough time playing with baby, dinner wasn't a culinary masterpiece, I didn't clean the bathroom, I didn't do any baking, the house is a mess, I can see dust everywhere ...on and on I get myself into frenzy. Add in the pile of kids birthday invitations to reply to, a massive pin board full of school events and charity functions, the endless birthdays to remember...it's no wonder I go to bed each night with a feeling of absolute panic. Oh and silly me...I run my own business too.

Why do we do this to ourselves?? I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Last weekend I decided to beat myself up about the fact I'm not making homemade meals for our 8 month old baby...I'm a bad mother I cried!! 

Then there's the BIG one for me...why am I not slim? I've been battling with this particular issue for a while. I began putting on weight in my 30s which I hated but not surprising really - I was socialising (a lot) and the exercise had started to wane. I had both children late on - so after 2 major ops and 2 kids I ended up feeling very unhappy with my size.

But there I go again! Feeling bad about myself ...my rational side knows that yes maybe I need to make more of an effort. The irrational side tells me I need to be a size 10 NOW! Stupid, stupid, stupid. Even after all these years I still feel the pressure to look good, have a fabulous business, have 2 immaculately dressed, well-behaved children (dressed in Mini Boden obviously) and a show home house like something out of a Cath Kidston shoot.

Most days in my exhausted state I am more likely to put my pants on over my tights but I'm no superwoman despite being called that recently. I'm just muddling along like every other mum and dad with a job or business to run and kids to sort and a house to keep.

Well this week since it's half term and particularly difficult to keep juggling all those domestic balls - that niggling irrational side can take a running jump. The kids are happy, the meals are edible and the house looks fairly clean (if you don't look too closely). I've decided that my gorgeous little boys are not going to remember if the toilet was clean. What they will hopefully remember is a happy Mummy playing with them in the snow or painting pictures.

It's about time we all just stopped trying to be Superwoman...I for one am hanging up my cape.