Shifting seasons

September is here again and with it, my favourite season. I've always had such a love affair with Autumn..the colour, the smells, the brand-new-back-to-school feeling and of course, the excitement of Christmas! (oh ok, I know it's a bit premature but still. Christmas!!)

Tomorrow our gorgeous eldest son goes back to school in his final year at infant school...where has my baby boy gone? I  love September, it's a beautiful month, but these days my heart feels slightly sad walking up to the school gates and knowing that my little boy is growing up so quickly.

We have had THE most brilliant Summer though and the weather has been glorious for once! I've had to do a lot of hard work in the evenings and late nights to make sure I could have some time off with the boys but I am so grateful to have been able to share so many wonderful experiences with them. These Summer days have been so precious and we even managed a week's holiday to the seaside.

There have been lots of trips to the park, the cinema, playing in the paddling pools, baking, barbecues with friends and family, parties, treasure hunts, playing with our kitten Betty and friends round to play..and we've loved every minute!

Alfie has been keeping a record of his activities in a special album that he has been filling in with his Nanny & Grandad. He particularly enjoyed the 'make your own volcano' experiment in Nanny's garden but his biggest achievement this holiday has been learning to ride his bike. He was SO proud of himself! 

We took his stabilisers off some time ago but hasn't had much interest in trying to ride his bike since. Until one day this Summer when we suggested he have a go around the garden...suddenly he was determined to get this bike riding thing sorted!!

One sunny morning I took him off to the park and once he saw me riding around, he got on his bike, rode it down a small slope and he was off! Straight across the field with no stopping..he did it!

So tomorrow, it's back to school and nursery runs, packed lunches, hectic mornings and homework but we've packed so much into the Summer holidays, I think that happy feeling will last right up to Christmas!

Small Steps

Watching our small son take his first few faltering steps this last couple of weeks has been joyous. He's really finding his feet now and becoming a toddler. Funny how I feel in a similar situation...wobbling towards some kind of normality at a slow and steady pace.

So yesterday I cried. I used to do that a lot. This time though it wasn't about a trivial matter that used to have me sitting in a heap in a state of post natally depressed hopelessness but a few tears of genuine sadness.

The tears came through a mixture of tiredness, emotional events and some truly devastating news. Too much work to cope with and not enough time for the kids...a big healthy side order of guilt thrown in.

My 'Auntie Linda' got remarried at the weekend. She wasn't a 'real' auntie but my parents were best friends with her and husband 'Uncle Jan' for over 16 years so they were very much part of our family.

Tragically Uncle Jan was killed at the age of 47 in a accident at the end of 2004 a week before Christmas...I will never forget that day. Seeing the look of despair on my Mum and Dad's faces was heartbreaking. It hit everyone very hard so it was emotional seeing Auntie Linda have her first dance with her new husband but we couldn't be happier for them both.

There were also a couple of pieces of news that left me reeling. An old school friend of mine fighting skin cancer but has just found out that it is terminal She may only have months left...she's 41. My friends sister also has cancer and she now has weeks to live...she's 49 with two kids. I wanted to rage at the world...this has been happening far too often in the last few years and it breaks my heart.

Thankfully there was a very good piece of news. Our darling little Charlie had a hospital appointment for his 'ranula' - a blister-like swelling in the floor of his mouth which was growing at an alarming rate. We were worried it may start to affect his eating and breathing so we've had several appointments with doctors and a wonderful surgeon. We were told that even if it burst it was likely to re-grow and an operation to remove the salivary gland would be the only option. I was dreading the thought of seeing our baby go through this kind of trauma so we'd been praying something would change. Well back in February on his big brother's birthday...it burst. Apart from some sickness he seemed fine but we kept a close eye on developments. It didn't reappear! 

So last week's appointment confirmed that the ranula had gone..therefore no operation and the relief was immense!

So there may have been tears this week but it's a small step in the right direction in my eyes- my PND treatment has been a Godsend. I'm beginning to feel 'normal' emotions again ...however painful they may be.