Small Steps

Watching our small son take his first few faltering steps this last couple of weeks has been joyous. He's really finding his feet now and becoming a toddler. Funny how I feel in a similar situation...wobbling towards some kind of normality at a slow and steady pace.

So yesterday I cried. I used to do that a lot. This time though it wasn't about a trivial matter that used to have me sitting in a heap in a state of post natally depressed hopelessness but a few tears of genuine sadness.

The tears came through a mixture of tiredness, emotional events and some truly devastating news. Too much work to cope with and not enough time for the kids...a big healthy side order of guilt thrown in.

My 'Auntie Linda' got remarried at the weekend. She wasn't a 'real' auntie but my parents were best friends with her and husband 'Uncle Jan' for over 16 years so they were very much part of our family.

Tragically Uncle Jan was killed at the age of 47 in a accident at the end of 2004 a week before Christmas...I will never forget that day. Seeing the look of despair on my Mum and Dad's faces was heartbreaking. It hit everyone very hard so it was emotional seeing Auntie Linda have her first dance with her new husband but we couldn't be happier for them both.

There were also a couple of pieces of news that left me reeling. An old school friend of mine fighting skin cancer but has just found out that it is terminal She may only have months left...she's 41. My friends sister also has cancer and she now has weeks to live...she's 49 with two kids. I wanted to rage at the world...this has been happening far too often in the last few years and it breaks my heart.

Thankfully there was a very good piece of news. Our darling little Charlie had a hospital appointment for his 'ranula' - a blister-like swelling in the floor of his mouth which was growing at an alarming rate. We were worried it may start to affect his eating and breathing so we've had several appointments with doctors and a wonderful surgeon. We were told that even if it burst it was likely to re-grow and an operation to remove the salivary gland would be the only option. I was dreading the thought of seeing our baby go through this kind of trauma so we'd been praying something would change. Well back in February on his big brother's birthday...it burst. Apart from some sickness he seemed fine but we kept a close eye on developments. It didn't reappear! 

So last week's appointment confirmed that the ranula had gone..therefore no operation and the relief was immense!

So there may have been tears this week but it's a small step in the right direction in my eyes- my PND treatment has been a Godsend. I'm beginning to feel 'normal' emotions again ...however painful they may be.