A Mother's Choice

Apologies in advance for this slightly ranty post. As usual time has slipped away and the blog posts have been erratic but today I felt compelled to take to the laptop in full-on Mummy mode. It was triggered by a conversation this morning with a very lovely friend of mine who also writes a fabulous blog as a self-employed designer mum to a baby boy. Since admitting to making the choice to bottle feed her son she has been subjected to totally uncalled for nasty comments by a woman who calls herself a 'lactivist'. At first I wasn't exactly sure what one of these was but had a sneaking suspicion I knew where this was leading...my hackles were already up.
If you want to breast-feed, fine. If you can't or don't want to breast-feed, that's also fine...it's a choice. The 'lactivists' don't seem to get this at all and to me it's all a bit, well, odd. I even saw a cartoon on a lactivist page that said 'Breastfeeding - because in the Zombie Apocalypse you won't make it to the store for Formula" 
There's also a website selling 'lactivist' merchandise...I was quite taken aback. After seeing all the pro-breastfeeding products I was half expecting to also see a 'formula fed' section....'Failure To Launch' perhaps...

Don't get me wrong I have the utmost respect for breastfeeding mums BUT I also have the same respect for formula or bottle feeding mums. The important factor being that your baby is fed...that's all. We all know the 'breast is best' mantra but for some this is definitely not the best option or in other cases (like myself) totally impossible. I just don't understand this forced attitude towards breast feeding and basically making all other mums feel like complete failures. As I've said in other posts what new mums need most is support irrespective of their feeding choices. Every woman has already been through the birth which can be traumatic enough and even if all things go smoothly it takes a huge toll on the body. After that experience the last thing any mum needs to feel is a failure for simply trying to feed her baby.
My first son almost starved after his first week with me in hospital when we were told the feeding was all going well. He cried constantly and I knew something was wrong but the nurse insisted he was getting plenty of milk when in fact he'd hardly had a drop...there was no milk. I also had to deal with the fact that my massive row of stitches made it impossible for me to hold my baby anywhere near me so trying to breast feed whilst holding him backwards like a rugby ball was not easy to say the least!

Those pesky stitches...

After more tears, being manhandled by midwives at home and pumped like a prize cow, my other half took things into his own hands as he couldn't bear to see me or our son suffering and bought bottles and formula. Finally our baby was properly fed, calm and he slept! The relief was immense...but that feeling of failure remained.
Fast forward to son number 2 and I stood my ground. Apart from the first 5 hours after his birth when I was unconscious and the nurses tried to get him to feed, I was adamant I was not going to go through that horrendous experience again. I asked for a bottle of milk for him and anyone would have thought I'd asked for a bottle of bleach from the look on the nurse's face.

Evil formula-feeding mummy

The sad thing is that I was treated totally differently by some of the ward staff once I'd decided to bottle feed but at least I knew exactly how much milk my baby was getting and this time I felt strong enough to make my own choice...it didn't matter what anyone else thought.
I wonder how this 'lactivist' would feel if they found themselves in mine or my friend's position...what then? As with giving birth and life in general not everything goes to plan! My water birth quite frankly sank without trace.
Babies need to be fed and as long as they are healthy that's all that matters. What mums don't need is being subjected to abuse for doing their best for their baby.

Happy healthy little boys